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"Thug Kitchen KB" by MrDotcom
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-------------------
THUG KITCHEN
Cook Book
Eat like you give
a fuck.
-------------------
By MrDotcom
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DISCLAIMER
Thug Kitchen® is not for everyone. Including people who might get offended by words like ass, shit, fuck, or mother fucker.
Some side effects may include feeling better,
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looking fly as fuck, saving some god damn money and in some cases, increased culinary confidence that can lead to becoming a skilled son of a bitch in the kitchen.
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"At my age I should know better. I try and do the best I can to manage things like my high colestrol, but nothing ever seemed to work. So I went to see my doctor, and he told me I might be suffering a condition that affects lots
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of people today... not giving a fuck about what I eat. That's when I found out about the Thug Kitchen® Cook Book. It's full of delicious plant-based and vegan recipes that really inspired me to get my shit together. Start eating
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some real fucken food."
- A Thug Kitchen Cook Book user
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"I remember a time where I thought my kids got enough nutrition from that pre-packaged bullshit I buy at the store. I was such a lazy fucken asshole. Now that I've got the Thug Kitchen® Cook Book, I don't play that shit anymore. - A Thug Kitchen user
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"I love to cook good food but who has the fucking time to hunt down a dozen exotic ingredients just to eat better? Not at my age. Thug Kitchen® helps me cut through the bullshit with language that I can understand."
- An old bitch Thug Kitchen user
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LETS GET TO
FUCKING WORK!
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Spicy Chicken Nugs
You're probably wondering "shit, how the actual fuck do I cook these nugs?". Well its basically common sense. Don't be a dumb fuck and pay attention to the instructions.
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Firstly gather all the shit you will need listed below.
You will need:
- 1 knife (Keep that fucker sharp, too)
- 6 raw chicken
- Your oven
- Bread (to go with your fucking meal)
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Remember, pay. fucking. attention. If you don;t then you're going to straight fuck up your meal. Read the god damn recipe.
Step 1: Grab the chicken and chop it up into little bits with your sharp as fuck knife.
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Holy shit. Did you get through the first step? Thats good but you're not a qualified kitchen bitch until you get through to the very end of this book.
Step 2: Oil them fuckers up. Make sure they are nice and lubricated.
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Step 3: Make sure you salt it. Always season that shit. Throw some herbs on it as well if you want it extra tasty.
Remember: When you are measuring, double check that shit. There's a difference between 1/2 teaspoon of salt and 1/2 tablespoon.
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Step 4: Now that you have your chicken nugs all chopped up and seasoned. Throw it all on a tray.
Step 5: Once you have it all on a tray put it in the oven on 200 degrees. Don't burn the fuckers this time. I know you've burned chicken nugs in the past.
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We know you; You're scrappy as fuck.
Step 6: After they have cooked, take them out and neatly place them on your plate. Some sauce would be fucking handy with that too.
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G-fucking-G. You just made your first meal from the Thug Kitchen cook book. Hold it right there you dodgy mother fucker. You cooked chicken nugs which is basically easy as piss to make. Get real, and get to the good shit.
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The effectiveness of the Thug Kitchen Cookbook was tested rigorously by us and our friends. It was scientific as hell. We even made graphs, charts, diagrams, and all kinds of shit. We even bought lab coats to make it feel more legit. Product results were
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consistently tasty and in rare cases, leftovers were produced. Damn, does anyone ever read this part of the book? If you've gotten this far, you're going to fucking love our cookbook. I bet you're fucking glad you bought this. Also why am I
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going off topic lol? Jk I just wanted to play some Fortnite and cull the jumping shotgun fags with their double-pump gayness.
Anyway lets get back on track and move onto our next recipe.
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Get ready to fire up that rusty ass grill because you're about to cook some vegan burgers and turn into a gay ass cyclist that wears tights and invades everyones space on the road.
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Vegan Burgers
Step 1: Got some less-than-fresh veggies taking up valuable real estate in your fridge? Don't toss them in the trash, roast those bitches. Just because somethings old doesnt mean its worthless so CALL YOUR GRANDPARENTS.
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Step 2: Once they're ready, mash them veggies till it looks like a freshly-dropped turd.
Step 3: Get them buns, get them sauces and sandwich that shit. You've never tasted a better vegan burger. Pinkies up boiiiiiiis
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If you're like us, you'll crave these vegan burgers regularly but WHO IN THE FUCK has a deep fryer? This recipe's got all the flavor you fancy AND it's a great way to sneak more spinach into your diet.
Don't be a lazy prick. This book
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is built is make you fast as fuck 101. Roasted Beer and Lime Cauliflower Tacos? Pumpkin Chili? Grilled Peach Salsa? You bet your sweet ass. Plus Thug Kitchen arms you with all the info and techniques you need to shop on a budget and
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eat like you give a fuck. No needless nonsense or preachy bullshit. Just delicious, healthy, homemade food for all the full-time hustlers out there. You're too important to be eating trash food on the daily, you're better than that. So we've
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made it easier to take care of #1: YOU. That's right bitches. we've been busting our asses for the last year on a brand new book for you. I mean, let's be real, shit falls apart every time you spend the holidays with your lazy extended family or
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go to some party where the healthiest options are wet baby carrots. FUCK. THAT. Now you don't have to deal with that shit ever again. I mean shit, you coul actually have a monogamous relationship with this book (apart from blowjobs, obviously).
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You see, I don't need to have a unified consistent vision of my recipes because I'm MrDotcom. If you actually use your fucking commonsense you could make a brand new recipe straight off the bat, easy as piss. They might look bad, but they
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taste fucking mint.
Hold on lets just go off-topic here for a bit. I need to ask you a question that gets me everytime... so its nineteen hundred und fourty-four. Hitler gooschteps in here (he's been getting some bad press,
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rightly or wrongly, lets not get into that debate), und he demands makeover. What do you give him?
lmk.
Anyway lets move onto another delicious vegan recipe.
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Vegan Fruit Smoothie
No time to eat breakfast? FUCKING DRINK IT.
Step 1: Get a shit load of outdated druits from your fridge or garden. Remember what we said before? Make use of those fuckers.
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Don't throw them out.
Step 2: You don't need a blender for this. They're for wannabe rich cunts. All you need to do is throw them as a solid surface like your wall until they're nice and mashed up.
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Step 3: Whenever ready, just throw them in a cup and garnish that mother fucker with a bit of dirt. Nothing's better than a completely plant-and-earth-
based recipe.
Full of fiber with a dash of protein, this
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tasty bastard works as a filling breakfast shake or hearty dessert. BOTTOMS UP, CHAMP.
Anyway did you think about what kind of makeover you would give Hitler? I did lol. I'd give him armarni sneakers (They're really good I had them) and
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some sort of prototype t-shirt from Dolce & Gabbana limited edition. As for makeup, I'd give him foundation, concealer, a lot of bronzer, a touch of mascara, and eyebrows. That will change Hitler. I'm sure of it.
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Anyway listen, if you want to stop being a normie then I suggest you keep making these fucking recipes. I'm not world famous and get front-row seats at Gordon Ramsays cooking shows for no reason.
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This book is the only book dedicated to verbally abusing you into a healthier diet. This is where you cock head bus driver just dropped your fat ass off. If you're not vegan then hit the fucking reset button and start again.
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Look the best option for a vegan society is to get vegan-only parking spots and cars that run on vegetable oil.
Approach your congressman today and get special rights for vegans.
#FightForVeganRights