"My Past" by JoePepe

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All i remember from my chilhood are some images and flashbacks,
all memories fade away and so did mine. what happened in my past is a mistake but joy aswell. a lot of bad hapened in my earlyer years, i am willing to share this because this is the way

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i coope with my feelings,

As we are in the present once again, all that we do now is decided from what we did before. If i was abondoned, i would probably not be making this book. When i was born, I was lucky to have a father and a mother who both loved

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very much. but at the age of 4 my father abandoned my mother, me and my brother, my mother took care of me for a ton of years, but the thing is that i was trying too hard to be a nice person regarding others and never took care of myself. I was never

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angry at my dad, i just felt sad because i knew i needed a dad in my life. A few years later. my mother found another person and tried to pretend like it was my new dad, i didnt realy like him, and i didnt see my real dad for some long years. I coudlnt

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remember hes face, but i knew that i had a real dad somewhere that would one day come back to me and we could be reunited. The other man my mother loved soon broke her heart and she was all alone again. After that i was beginning a depression at the age

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10 i would say. it wasnt a bad one, but it slowly became worse and worse. Instead of trying to fix my depression i tried to prevent other people to feel what i was feeling and to make them have a good time, I remember having a group of friends.

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They were joking around just like normal young teens/childs. but for every tiny joke, it was a Huge pain for me, i tried to hide it even more, and in place of hanging out with the others i saw lonely people in my school. andmi took care of them for more

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then a year. i gave them confidence to get a group of friends and trust in themselves. but once again. I did nothing against my problems that were getting worse. Soon after, i couldnt take it about life and i thout that i was useless and i served no

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purpose to live. Everyday i wanted to sleep, it felt better to sleep then to be awake, i wanted to sleep forever and never wake up. And i started to attempt drowning myself in the tub, or strangling myself, but everytime i was close to the end.

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For some reason i couldnt pull the trigger, and i kept trying everyday over and over. Then i tried to cut myself, but i had only a pair of not sharpened knives in my bedroom so i tried, but didnt work. I still have scars from that. One day i went to the

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kitchen and took the most sharpened knife and was on the second to slit both my wrists, but right at that moment my mom came home from work and i decided to tell her i wanted to die. I got a psychatric meeting every week. it didnt work. I had to find my

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own way to get out of this. i went on a summer vacation, and that made me realise that i could be happy and that there was joy. So i thout about other people in life. i Thout about the other people that were happy and that died even if they didnt want to.

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I decided that i should make it my life's work to prevent people from dyeing and to make them live their life the fullest.
From that point in life i started to feel joy more and more every day.
Now, a Few years later i have some deep regret about that

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time, but i am also happy about it, because it made me who i am now. I am a person who is happy and cares about other people. I have never in my life yelled at someone, I dont know why.
What really made me see happyness were the people around me, that

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cared about me. The most importent was the fun times I had, and the good memories, of my journeys crossing with other people.
Life is the best thing we have in this world.
I need to remember that there will allways be good times ahead, because without

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them, i will feel lost.
JoePepe