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"Unlucky Hostages" by Eggploont
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The Unlucky Hostages
A play by Bran Walderfew and Audrey River Phoenix.
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Banker: Would you like to deposit or withdraw?
Hostage: Withdraw twenty dollars please.
(loud gunshot fills the room and everyone drops to the ground)
Robber: EVERYBODY ON THEIR STOMACHS... NOW! (shoots at windows)
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Extras: (scream at shattering windows)
Robber: Now I want everyone to shut the HELL up and not move an inch. (points gun at hostages) If anyone escapes, one of you will surely die.
Hostage: (Tries to attack robber but robber throws you
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on the ground. You scream in agony) Auoww
Robber: (Smirks deviously) I told you to not move, did I not? Now you will have to pay the price for not listening to the rules. (Pulls out switchblade and puts to throat).
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Police: (steps on glass and causes to to crack)
Robber: (slightly slits hostages throat and turns quickly to the sound) Oh great, who called the fuzz?
Police: (Pulls out gun) Drop your weapons or I will be forced to kill you.
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Robber: Oh, I'd like to see you try. (you snap your fingers and your assistants come from around the corner with loaded guns)
Police: (talks into walkie talkie) We're going to need-- (gets shot and dies)
Assistant 1: The bomb is set.
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Robber: Thanks Laurence. Mind watching them while I do some bussiness?
Assistant 2: No not at all sir.
Robber: (goes over to Banker) You do what I say, okay?
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Banker: S-sure. What do you need?
Robber: Just give me all the money in your registers.
~~~~~~~~~~
While the banker is giving money to the robber:
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Hostage: Did you say there was a bomb?
Assistants: (Ignores)
Hostage: I know you're not deaf. Could you please answer my question?
Assistant 1: Y- (assistant 2 grabs your arm in dissaproval)
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in dissaproval) What's he gon' do, dis esemble the bomb? (they let go of your arm) Yeah there's a bomb. Aythin' goes wrong, we just click a button and poof, everyone's dead.
Hotage: Interesting. And where would one find this bomb?
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Assistant 1: In the ladies bathrooms.
Hostage: Kinda random place to hide a bomb, don't ya think?
Assistant 2: We wanted to see what the ladies' bathroom looked like.
Hostage: Uhm okay.
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Hostage: (Scoots away from assistants and comes up with plan) *thinking out loud but no one hears, just for effect*
I'll have the other's cause a distraction while I sneak into the bathroom and dis-esemble the bomb. (Goes around telling people)
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Back to the Banker and the Robber:
Banker: O-Okay that's all of it. (Gives several backs filled with money)
Robber: Thanks, hon. (Grabs bags and puts in suitcase)
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Robber and Banker: (Hears several screams)
Robber: (Shoves suitcase at Assistant 2 and looks to see what's happening)
Pregnant Lady: (fake screams so you can distract robbers) I think I'm in labor!
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(Assistants look at each other, dumbfounded)
Robber: Oh shit. IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR?
Doctor: I-I am! (walks out and near pregnant lady)
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Robber: (to assistants) Do a head count.
Back to hostage:
Hostage: (Hears pregnant lady screaming) Okay, that's my que. (sneaks out and goes to bathroom)
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Banker: (whispers) What do you think you're doing, they're doing a head count!
Hostage: I'm going to save everyone in that room including you. Please trust me and buy as much time as possible.
Banker: Okay.
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Hostage: (Finally makes it into the bathroom and locks door) Okay I don't know how to dis esemble a bomb. But on those Tv shows it says to cut the red wire, or was it the blue one?
(Looks up at ceiling) God, you better help me or else everyone dies.
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Robber: (Busts into bathroom) What the hell!
Hostage: Oh shit! Who ratted me out!?
Robber: It doesn't matter now. Someone ratted US out so now the SWAT team is coming.
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Hostage: So you're just going to explode the bomb!
Robber: That's the plan. Would you mind helping me? (pulls out blade) Also, sorry for trying to, ya know, kill you earlier.
Hostage: No way. I'm not going to end lives.
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Robber: I believe that when we die, we have to carry the burdens of those you have hurt. If you can carry them up the mountain to heaven you will have eternal life in paradise. If not you are forced into the downworld, serving the devil. Pray that we make
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it up the mountain.
Hostage: Looks like I'll have one burden. (Quickly snatched blade and slits Robber's throat)
Okay I have to get this bomb dis esembled.
(does eenie meenie miney moe and gets red blue wire)
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Hostage: Alright this is it. If I fail this I kill everyone. (cuts wire)
(Bomb doesn't do anything)
Hostage: Oh thank God-
(bomb explodes killing everyone)
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[End]